Wanted Dead or Alive (Part 1)

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE (PART 1)

This week we are sharing the testimony of one of our Colony grads who has recently joined our Keswick staff.

Forty-two years ago in Memphis, Tennessee a baby was born. "Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Pruitt you have a beautiful, gay, baby boy!" Well... that wasn't quite the way it happened. They did have a beautiful baby boy but he wasn't born gay. That was a desire he chose to follow some years later. Recently I had the privilege of interviewing Bill Pruitt, currently a full-time intern here at America's KESWICK.

Bill came to the Colony of Mercy at the urging of his mom and her church. Bill was raised in a Christian home and his mom saw to it that he and his three brothers attended church regularly. His dad was a good provider but worked long hours and wasn't as much a part of Bill's daily life.

At the age of twelve Bill says he was saved by Christ but didn't walk with Him for long. He was longing for intimacy, belonging and love from men. He found himself falling into a homosexual lifestyle early in his teens. Bill made it very clear that he didn't want to be gay; "the only time I felt comfortable in this sin was when I was high or drunk, this allowed me to tune God out of my life." He quickly became addicted to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. While talking with Bill he named more than one substance he abused that I had never even heard of. They were lethal substances and could have killed him, or so he hoped.

Bill was suicidal most of his life. On one hand he had his church and family telling him that his life was all wrong yet the desires inside caused great conflict because he felt that surely a loving God wouldn't have created him this way and given him such strong desires only to deny him the fulfillment of them. Bill couldn't handle living a double life any longer. He fled Memphis in an effort to live his life the way he wanted without opposition. He moved to Dallas and continued living exactly as he had in Tennessee. You would think he'd found it peaceful with no one to tell him how wrong it was or how much better God had intended for him. Only, there is no real peace for anyone unless they first have peace with God. The constant inner turmoil and conflict inside of him continued relentlessly.

At the age of 23 he found himself praying to God that he would allow him to go to sleep and never wake up. I asked Bill what he felt at the time that would have accomplished. Would he then be out of this horrific turmoil and mental torture and find peace? Or was it that final choice he would make to kill himself would be the last thing he'd ever have to decide? Or did he even care? He'd be dead. No one there to say; "this is wrong". I was surprised by his answer, he said; "All I wanted was for the pain to end, I thought it would be a release."

I have to admit that statement alone, more than anything else he said, gave me the shivers.
What a horrible lie he had been living under. There wouldn't have been any release from his bondage...not ever. He said he had never thought of where he would be after he died. The destination of his eternal soul wasn't a real concern to him. He grew up hearing as he put it; "hell, fire and brimstone preaching." But without the love, compassion and mercy that is also God's truth. He said; "people need to hear the truth, but they also desperately need to hear about the hope. Jesus said speak the truth in love."

God answered no to Bill's prayer that night and would not allow him to die. He found himself attending AA meetings and tried to get his addictions under control himself. He was failing. To be continued... (Written by Keswick staff writer, Dina Seaton)



Great quote: If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road - abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow. Elisabeth Elliot