God has seen fit, of late, to give me some serious hands-on opportunities to learn biblical conflict resolution. We teach the men in the Colony of Mercy that conflict is not as much a problem as it is an opportunity. "An opportunity?" You ask. Yes, an opportunity to experience God's grace for God's glory. "Oh, that!" You say. "Yes, that!" I say.
Conflicts are all around us, almost all the time. It is easy, in one sense, to turn a blind eye if we are not directly involved. But when it comes knocking on our door it's time to step up and consider how God would have us glorify Him in this situation.
In the past several months, there have been marital conflicts, familial conflicts, church conflicts, ministry conflicts, co-worker conflicts, parental conflicts, sibling conflicts, and the list can go on and on. Lest you think I'm some kind of ogre, most of these conflicts have not been with me, but around me; but to be honest, some have been with me.
How do we deal with conflict when it taps at our door? Or perhaps it is kicking in your door.
1. Remember God is in the midst of it. It doesn't matter if it is little or huge, you can be absolutely certain God is in the midst of it working for your good and His glory.
2. Conflict is an opportunity to glorify God by relying on His strength in your weakness. What better evidence of God's grace in your life than for you to walk according to His Spirit rather than according to your flesh?
3. The conflict is an opportunity to examine your own heart. Typically, conflict arises when the idols of one person's heart clash with the idols of the other person's heart.(1) You'll notice I said it is an opportunity to examine YOUR OWN HEART.(2) Our typical response in conflict is to try to examine the other person's heart because after all they are the one in error, right? You can always assume you bear at least some portion of responsibility for the conflict. What percentage doesn't really matter, because whatever it is, you are responsible for it.
4. Conflict is an opportunity to learn humility, the real kind, not the false humility we put on to win supporters. Don't just be content to put on humility, allow God to make you humble. If anything has great occasion to humble us it is conflict.
First, submit yourself to the hand of God in the situation. Know for sure, God has a much bigger purpose in the conflict than you can see. Trust that He will work in hearts not you. Second, humble yourself to go to the person or persons with whom you are in conflict. Don't sit around expecting them to seek you out. GO!(3)
That's enough for today. Next week we'll continue to consider some practical thoughts to resolving conflict.
Diane
1 James 4:1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
2 Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
3 Matthew 5:23-24 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
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