Helping or Enabling? Part One

Being a parent of prodigals is similar to a roller coaster ride...plenty of ups and downs! There are good days when I am confident of God's work in the lives my children and days when I wonder if God heard my prayers. With each twist and turn of life my desire is to just know that I am doing the right thing for Dave and I and for my children. My daughter has asked to come home for a few months. (Long story!) And my son finally called. (REALLY long story!) He also wants to come home one week a month over the summer to accomplish some work. So, what do we do? I just want to know what the right thing is! The last thing I want to do is to get in God's way. If coming home would in any way delay what God needs to accomplish in their lives then the answer is no.

As I was praying for the answer I was reading a book called Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. The following definitions show the difference between helping and enabling and clarified the decision we needed to make: "Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself." "Enabling is doing for someone that he could and should be doing for himself." (Page 29)

I felt it was right to allow them to come home temporarily. They are not asking for bills to be paid for them. They are not unwilling to abide by the house rules. They understand that there are consequences if the rules are broken. They understand that there is a deadline to move out. They understand that they can visit but not live here after the deadline. They know that a revolving door is not being installed.

As always when I am in any situation with my children I think of my Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him. Do I come to Him for help or do I just want Him to fix everything for me? Do I understand that there are consequences to my disobedience? Do I allow God to do the hard things in my life; not expecting everything to be made easy for me? Am I participating with and allowing God's work to be accomplished in me?

Kathy Withers

Kathy's on staff at America's KESWICK in the Development Department. Kathy has been married to her husband Dave for almost 25 years. They have two adult children. Kathy is active in her local church and has previously served as a Teaching Director for Community Bible Study. Her passion is to encourage women to deepen their walk with Jesus Christ by finding and living out the truths of God's Word.

DIGGING DEEPER
Psalm 101:6
I will look with favor on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
he who walks in the way that is blameless
shall minister to me.