Helping or Enabling? Part Two

The following test is found in Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke (pages 30-31). If you still don't know if you are helping or enabling, these questions may help you know for sure.

1. Have you repeatedly loaned your adult child money, which has seldom , if ever, been repaid?
2. Have you paid for education and/or job training in more than one field?
3. Have you finished a job or project that he failed to complete himself because it was easier than arguing with him?
4. Have you paid bills he was supposed to pay himself?
5. Have you accepted part of the blame for his addictions or behavior?
6. Have you avoided talking about negative issues because you feared his response?
7. Have you bailed him out of jail or paid for his legal fees?
8. Have you given them "one more chance" and then another and another?
9. Have you ever returned home at luchtime (or called) and found him still in bed?
10. Have you wondered how he gets money to buy cigarettes, video games, new clothes, and such but can't afford to pay his own bills?
11. Have you ever "called in sick" for your child, lying about his symptoms to his boss?
12. Have you threatened to throw him out but didn't?
13. Have you begun to feel that you've reached the end of your rope?
14. Have you begun to hate both your child and yourself for the state in which you live?
15. Have you begun to worry that the financial burden is more than you can bear?
16. Have you begun to feel that your marriage is in jeopardy because of this situation?
17. Have you noticed growing resentment in other family members because of this situation?
18. Have you noticed that others are uncomfortable around you when the issue arises?
19. Have you noticed an increase in profanity, violence, and/or other unacceptable behavior from your adult child?
20. Have you noticed that things are missing from your home, including money, valuables, and other personal property?

So... are you a helper or an enabler?

Kathy Withers

Kathy's on staff at America's KESWICK in the Development Department. Kathy has been married to her husband Dave for almost 25 years. They have two adult children. Kathy is active in her local church and has previously served as a Teaching Director for Community Bible Study. Her passion is to encourage women to deepen their walk with Jesus Christ by finding and living out the truths of God's Word.

DIGGING DEEPER
Psalm 101:7
No one who practices deceit
shall dwell in my house;
no one who utters lies
shall continue before my eyes.