Helping or Enabling? Part Three

In Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Allison Bottke gives Six Steps to SANITY. The following is from page 99 where she lists those steps and makes a few comments.

S- STOP your own negative behavior (especially the flow of money!)
A- ASSEMBLE a support group
N- NIP excuses in the bud
I- IMPLEMENT rules and boundries
T-Trust your instincts
Y- YIELD everything to God

Last but not least, another side effect of implementing the Six Steps to SANITY could be that our adult children may actually become the people we've been pretending they were or dreaming they could be! Now wouldn't that make all the tough-love pain worthwhile?

After Stephanie and I discussed these steps she commented that the only thing she would change is to have the "Y" first. I would agree. If we cannot yield ourselves and our adult children to the Lord then I don't know that we can follow the other steps peacefully and completely.

Webster's Dictionary defines "yield" this way:"to give up possession of or claim or demand: as a: to give up (as one's breath) and so die; b: to surrender or relinquish to the physical control of another: hand over possession of; c: to surrender or submit (oneself) to another; d: to give (oneself) up to an inclination, temptation, or habit; e: to relinquish one's possession of (as a position of advantage or point of superiority)."

Besides yielding there are other painful aspects involved in gaining our SANITY. These steps involve transparency with others in order to have proper support, being able to say "no," changing our behavior and , of course, waiting. I know this is not easy but I ask that you prayerfully consider what is best for your marriage, the prodigal, your other children, and your relationship with God.

Kathy Withers

Kathy's on staff at America's KESWICK in the Development Department. Kathy has been married to her husband Dave for almost 25 years. They have two adult children. Kathy is active in her local church and has previously served as a Teaching Director for Community Bible Study. Her passion is to encourage women to deepen their walk with Jesus Christ by finding and living out the truths of God's Word.

DIGGING DEEPER
PSALM 101:8
Morning by morning I will destroy all the wicked in the land, cutting off all the evildoers from the city of the LORD.